Joke Thread

[Deuce]

black guy walks in to a bar with a parrot on his shoulder, bartender says (wow thats great where did you get that) parrot says " AFRICA THERES LOTS OF THEM"lol

[Flame of Kane]

what not to say to a cop.

cop:boy son your eyes look red have you been drinking.

driver:boy your eyes look glazed have you been eating doughnuts.

[Killer Jay]

here is a yo momma joke.

Yo momma is soooo fat she went to the airport and got busted for having 200lbs of crack.

[Flame of Kane]

grumpyoldman said:

A priest, a rabbi & a nun walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

2 horses walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey guys, why the long faces?"

Whats brown & sounds like a bell? DUNG!!!!

i get it people are always telling jokes with nuns and stuff.

[DA NEMISIS]

What can a goose do, a duck can't and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass

[Burnham]

On a train from London to Manchester an American was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment. “You English are too stiff. You set yourself apart too much. You think your stiff upper lips make you above the rest of us. Look at me… I’m me. I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Indian blood and some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?”

The Englishman replied, “Very sporting of your mother.”

[Dynamite Duane]

Here's one a friend emailed me:


A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've Heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.

'OK,' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer
all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh*t?

[Iceman]

Lol, I heard that one a long time ago, and it's a good one, lol.